Satan Invented the Telephone

Perhaps you wonder why I make such a bold statement, but my life experiences have proven it to be true! Time after time, when I have an important phone call to make, my children decide to do something naughty or very messy, or both!!! The other day proved no exception, here is how it went down:

I grabbed the phone thinking maybe this time would be different, and that is where my thinking went wrong and it was pretty much downhill form there. I dialed the number and of course got the automated menu system, because everyone knows you can't speak to a real person these days. I go through like 5 menus trying to get connected to the right person. The boys started to get into something, but right at that moment I was finally connected to a "real" person so I had to turn my attention from them. Of course it ended up being one of those call centers in India. I don't care how good they say their English is, I can never understand them. So of course I have to really focus on what this guy is saying. I am trying to converse with him and the boys are getting into something, I can tell by the silence. I can't really understand the guy I am talking with and I just kind of agree with him, for all I know I am volunteering my kidney. Finally we realize that he can't help me and has to transfer me to another department, ugh. That of course means being put on hold to hear the following recorded message, "Please hold and the next available representative will be with you shortly. Calls are answered in the order they are received." First of all that is a lie, they are never there with you shortly. Second, why do they have to repeat that message every minute? As if I am having so much fun waiting that that I completely forgot I was on hold and they have to remind me. Thanks considerate phone message voice! Well of course the down time waiting allows me to see what the boys are up to, no good that's what! I go in the kitchen and they have gotten into my wheat. And of course they have got it everywhere. I can't hang up because I will lose my coveted place in the phone waiting line. So I am pretty much rendered useless and at the mercy of the automated phone system. I can only sit there and hope that the boys will be overcome by some overpowering urge to clean the mess up. What I want to know is why can't I put them on hold? After all I wait forever for them! I would love to have them listen to some prerecorded message like, "Please hold and the next available mommy will be with you shortly after she cleans up the big mess her kids made and has a discussion with them on appropriate things to do when mommy is on the phone." Somehow I don't think that will go over well with the phone people. Finally I am connected to a real person, I get my questions answered and discover my phone call accomplished nothing! I hang up to assess the wheat damage in the kitchen. This is what I find:

Eli was kind enough to fill up my potted plant with wheat. I am not sure if it was an attempt to clean up or was just a fun place to put the wheat. I do give him points for creativity.

So I would like to think that I will learn my lesson from this experience, but probably not. Sometime in the future I will attempt a phone call and hope in the depths of my heart that this will be "the time" when the kiddos will play quietly and I will be able to make my call. I guess you really can't teach an old dog new tricks!